ABSOLUTE WORST things to say to a Police Officer:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

That uniform makes your butt look REALLY big.

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.

Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer?

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder!

I pay your salary!

Gee, thanks officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?