IDIOTS: They do exist

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Police in New York City in March charged salesman 32 year-old Joel Levy with assault. According to police, Levy's live-in girlfriend arrived home unexpectedly after Levy called over a call girl. Levy improvised the plan to intercept Brandy, the call girl, in the building's lobby, have sex, and then run back upstairs before arousing suspicion in his girlfriend. When he saw a good-looking woman in the lobby, Levy thought it was Brandy, nudged her into the left, and pawed and fondled her while displaying a $50 bill saying "You know you want it, you know you'll do anything for it." The woman was not Brandy, but an assistant district attorney from Brooklyn.

Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

And it gets better:

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I., after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.