Jack Schitt

So You Don't Know Jack Schitt?

He's the only son of Awh and Oh Schitt. Awh, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh, the owner of the Kneedeep Inn. Awh was born in Shinola, a small town 15 miles south of Luck, Louisiana and just one mile up Schitt Creek.

If you're ever traveling in the area, it is important to get your Schitt straight. While Jack is a right friendly sort of guy, his second cousin Lipp is a despised physician. During a physical exam, Lipp unexpectedly gave Jack a shot. Jack jumped right off the table hitting his head on the blades of the ceiling fan. Ever since Shitt hit the fam, it's been important to let people know whether you know Schitt from Shinola or Schitt out of Luck.

People took it very hard when Lipp first moved to Luck and put Schitt on a shingle over his office door right in the middle of the town square. It was only a short time later that Jack married Noe. They had six children. Holy, their first had a pet crocodile he trained to do tricks. People would come from miles around to see that croc of Schitt.

Next, Jack had twin sons, Deep and Dip, two daughters, Fulla and Giva, and another son, Bull. Deep married his childhood sweetheart, Dumb, a high school dropout. Dip on the other hand met and married Lotta while in reform school and they have a son named Chicken. Just when it looked as if the whole town was turning to Schitt, Fulla and Giva married the Happens brothers who moved in from Arkansas. The Schitt-Happen children are Dawg, Bryd and Horace. Bull traveled extensively before getting back into the Schitt business. He married a spicy girl from Italy, Pisa, and they are eagerly awaiting the arrival of baby Schitt. So.....

NOW YOU KNOW JACK SCHITT!!!!