Lawyer Jokes
Q: How do you save a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head.
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Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
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A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers on their way to a convention and threatened to start releasing them 1 every hour if their demands weren't met.
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Why does California have the most lawyers and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got the 1st pick.
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What is the difference between lawyer roadkill and skunk roadkill?
There are skidmarks in front of the skunk.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
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What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?
About 3 lbs, including the urn.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and bucket of crap?
The bucket.
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Why are scientist switching from lab rats to lawyers?
Two reasons.
1. The scientists don't get as attached to the lawyers, and
2.Tthere are some things the even lab rats won't do.
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What would you call 10,000 layers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeding scavenger and the other is a fish.
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What do you call a lawyer neck deep in cement?
Not enough cement.
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What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman Pincher
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How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many can you afford?
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Why won't sharks eat lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
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A client in a lawyers office has just finished going over his will. The lawyer gives him his bill and says "It's just a simple will, it'll only be $100." The client gets out his wallet and hands the lawyer a crisp, new $100 bill, and leaves.
As the lawyer is putting up the fee, he realizes that it is really 2 $100 bills stuck together and the client overpaid. The lawyer is a little shocked and thinks "Wow. I have a real moral delimma here. Should I keep all the money for myself, or should I share it with my partner?"
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