Musician Jokes

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless

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What is the difference between an oboe and a basoon?
The basoon burns longer.

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What is the difference between an oboe and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up an oboe.

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How can you tell if an oboe is playing out of tune??
The rest of them notice..

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Whats the difference between a viola and a coffin? ?
The stiffs inside the coffin.

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How many country and western bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. Five. One. Five. One. Five. ...

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What is the difference between a soprano and a pitbull?
Lipstick.

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What is the range of a trombone?
50 yards, if you have a good arm.

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What do you call a trombone player with a beeper
An optimist.

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How do you know if a drummer is playing on a level stage?
He's drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

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How can you get a drummer to play quieter?
Put sheet music in front of him.

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How do you know if a drummer is knocking on your door?
Slows down.

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How do you know if a singer is knocking on your door?
When they don't have a key and don't know when to come in.

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How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten. One to do the work and 9 to say "I could have done it better."

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What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

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How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb
Who cares when the pianist can do it with their left hand?

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Whats the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't.

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A guy walks into a shop. He says "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gibson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."