NutWorks Dating Issue

Selections from:
NutWorks Electronic Humor Magazine.

Issue022, (Volume VI, Number II). February, 1988.
Special Valentine's Day Issue!

NutWorks is published semi-monthly-ish by
Brent C.J. Britton, <Brent@Maine.BITNET>

"Shower the people you love with love."
--James Taylor
"Shower with the people you love."
--Anonymous

Lover's Quiz #1
===============
by David Asa Wacks with Hugh Cushing
(Dave got paid a lot more, though)

Hey guys & gals! Are you HARD UP? This simple quiz can let you know how
hard you're going to have to work to get a Valentine. Score yourself as
follows: 1 point for each A, 2 points for each B, 3 points for each C, and
10 points for each D.

1. You are taking a guy/girl on a first date. How much are you willing to spend?
A. Guest meal at campus dining services
B. $5.00 for a few slices
C. A nice Chinese dinner, maybe $25.00 tops
D. The price of your physics textbook

2. Sitting on your dorm steps you spot a potential scoop. Your first course of action is to:
A. Start up a lively, interesting conversation
B. Use one of your favorite lines
C. Propose a temporary marriage - say for the weekend
D. Knock him/her over the head with your physics textbook and drag
him/her back to your friend's single

3. Your definition of "blue balls" is:
A. A solid and a stripe in billiards
B. Those little styrofoam things on the inside of a beanbag
C. A painful need for a cold shower
D. Fig. 42, p. 189 demonstrating variable density in your physics
textbook

4. If she says, "no" she means:
A. No
B. Probably not
C. Yes
D. She's gagged and can't answer

5. Attendance at campus dining services per 19-meal-a-week allotment
A. 0-10
B. 11-14
C. 15-19
D. 38 - You steal your roomie's card

6. Average time spent on toilet seat/day:
A. 2 min.
B. 4 min.
C. 6 min.
D. Long enough to read a few pages of physics

7. Amount of time spent perusing the freshman face book/day
A. 2-5 min.
B. 5-7 min.
C. 7-10 min.
D. Fall asleep with it

8. Qualifications for your blind date:
A. No imperfections
B. No boy/girlfriend
C. No particular desire to be seen with you
D. No sarcoma

9. Typical topic of conversation on blind date:
A. Sunsets
B. Bork
C. How he/she's doing
D. Robotics

10. Typical conclusion to blind date:
A. Bought a futon together
B. Got phone number
C. Lost him/her in crowd
D. Temporary restraining order

Results:
10-20 You're doin' OK, dude(tte).
21-40 Things could be better.
41-60 Better watch yourself at social functions.
61-100 Yessir, maybe a nocturnal trip to the petting zoo is in order.