Too Much Coffee

YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN...
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Valdez named his donkey after you

You ski uphill.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You answer the door before people knock.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you're standing still is in an earthquake.

You lick your coffee pot clean.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Your T-shirt says, "Decaf is the devil's coffee."

You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.

All your kids are named "Joe."

You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet and Low."

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You've worn out the handles on your favorite mug.

You've built a miniature city out of plastic stirs.

People get dizzy just watching you.

People can test their batteries in your ears.

When someone asks you," How are you?", you say," Good to the last drop."

Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the.coffee.

You speak perfect Arabic without even taking a lesson.

Your Thermos is on wheels.

You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.

You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

You think being called a drip is a compliment

You don't tan, you roast.

You don't get mad, you get steamed.

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."