Which is your Zodiac?

AQUARIUS (Jan.20-Feb.18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistake over and over. Everyone thinks you are stupid.

PISCES (Feb.19-Mar.20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and/or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw animals.

AIRES (Mar.21-Apr.19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS (Apr.19-May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual, however you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Gemini are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER (Jun.21-July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off and that is why you will always be on welfare and never worth a shit.

LEO (July 23-Aug.22) You consider yourself a born leader while others think you are a pussy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are always thieves and bastards.

VIRGO (Aug.23-Sept.22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make excellent bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sept.23-Oct.22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely queer. Change of employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women make excellent whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO (Oct.23-Nov.21) You are a shrewd business type and cannot by trusted. You always achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics. You are a fat headed son of a bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov.22-Dec.21)You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarius are drunkards and dope fiends. People laugh at you and you are always getting fucked.

CAPRICORN (Dec.22-Jan.19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time as they tend to draw pigeons.