You Might be a Redneck if ...

You keep a can of raid on the kitchen table.

Your home has more miles on it than you car.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You mamma has ammo on her christmas list.

The home shopping channel operator recognizes your voice.

Your mamma dosen't remove the marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language...

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one...

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen...

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-In Theater...

You call the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in"...

You clean your fingernails with a stick...

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.