Aliens - 24 hours

Sure, it seems easy being a space alien. You've got your x-ray vision, your late model space ships and media coverage galore. But, as usual with most glamour jobs, there's a lot of nitty gritty work the public doesn't get to see. The job can become routine, and even a bit tedious, as we learned when we stumbled upon this intriguing page from...

A SPACE ALIEN'S DAY TIMER

08:15 A.M. Leave asteroid for work.

09:00 A.M. Hover over cornfield on outskirts of small Midwestern town.

09:30 A.M. Land in backyard where housewife is hanging laundry. Silence barking dog with penetrating gaze.

10:00 A.M. Stun housewife with laser-gun or energy pulsating finger-tips. Levitate her body just long enough to be glimpsed by a passing motorist. Materialize the body inside spaceship. Remove internal organs; weigh, label and categorize. Return most, if not all, to the body. Erase all traces of surgery. Rematerialize housewife in backyard. Turn back time two hours. Bid enigmatic good-bye. Leave.

01:00 P.M. Visit once prestigious astronomer who everyone thinks has gone mad. Deliver pep talk. Leave him fist-sized fragments of an unidentifiable element.

02:15 P.M. Drop by Whitley Strieber's house, pick up royalty check from best seller. Communion.

03:00 P.M. Hover over southwestern desert.

03:30 P.M. Offer psychotic drifter a lift.

04:30 P.M. Pose for cover of "Weekly World News" with President Clinton. Discuss ozone depletion, space travel, future political endorsements.

06:30 P.M. Back at the asteroid. Introduce psychotic drifter to other aliens. Listen to Windham Hill.

09:00 P.M. Dinner. Eat drifter.

10:00 P.M. Wash antennae, brush eyeballs, peel off outer layer of skin.
Beam cryptic message to NASA satellite. Lights out.