Clinton Digest

I've digested up several of the recent Clinton quickies (so to speak) that I've received. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

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From: tvaughan@epore.mit.edu (Timothy E. Vaughan)
Subject: Selective memory


I heard that President Clinton's favorite actor is Charlton Heston. In fact, Clinton said he thinks that the best film of all time is ``The Nine Commandments.''

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From: ryan@bnl.gov (William Ryan)
Organization: Brookhaven National Laboratory
Subject: Clinton and Assault Weapons

Heard on the radio:
"If Bill Clinton wants to ban assault weapons, he should start with the one between his legs."

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From: rfire@chele.cais.com (Dr. Roger M. Firestone)
Subject: To Tell the Truth

Bill Clinton is NOT a liar. Just ask Monica Lewinsky. She'll tell you he gave it to her straight.

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From: w9gr@oro.net (David L. Hershberger)
Subject: Presidential Movie


Rumor has it that Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford are working on a new political thriller movie. The working title is, "All the President's Semen."

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From: efortune@rocketmail.com (Erik Fortune)
Subject: You heard it here first...


Prediction:

Two days before his scheduled grand jury appearance, Clinton will go on TV to announce that he _did_ have sex with Monica Lewinsky but that it doesn't really count because she didn't, um, inhale.

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From: danielh@zorkmid.dakcs.com (Daniel Holmes)
Subject: Clinton's problems

Heard on the Bob and Tom show (syndicated radio morning show, various markets):

Q: What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?

A: Clinton's pool table.

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From: caj@math.niu.edu (Xcott Craver)
Organization: NIU Mathematical Sciences
Subject: The last four years in 22 words or less

US President Bill Clinton, who has become quite famous for his blatantly side-stepping style of speaking, had this to say about his upcoming testimony before the Grand Jury:

"No one wants to get this matter behind us more than I do, except maybe all the rest of the American people."

Yep, that's our Bill.

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From: johnfcon@worldnet.att.net (John F. Conroy)
Subject: DNA and "the dress"

Heard on the radio: The FBI is having a real difficult time with the "bodily fluids" found on the Lewinsky dress. Seems everybody in Arkansas has the same DNA...

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From: A.N.Ogden@reading.ac.uk (Adrian Ogden)
Subject: Monica Lewinsky

Paraphrased from Irish comedian Graham Norton on UK TV last night:

"It's nice to see Monica Lewinsky getting ahead in life. After all, in her high school yearbook she was voted 'Girl Most Likely To Suck Seed'."

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From: joek@voicenet.com (Joseph P Kopanic)
Subject: Status Report from the White House

In an Associated Press article by Larry Margasak today, Clinton's deputy press secretary was asked whether the fact that Monica Lewinsky was testifying was upsetting any matters at the White House.

Asked if it were a difficult day for the White House, Toiv said, ``No. We do our work here every day regardless of what's going on in the outside world.''

Is it just me or is that statement somehow less than encouraging?

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From: popitz1@Tandy.com (Paul Opitz)
Subject: Clinton-Lewinsky Humor

The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress:

Presidue