Dogs Don't Use Computers

The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
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20> Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.

19> Fetch command not available on all platforms.

18> Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

17> Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

16> Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."

15> Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

14> Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.

13> Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.

12> Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

11> Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

10> Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9> Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

8> 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, goldfish, on the other hand...

7> Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

6> SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

5> SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

4> Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.

3> Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

2> Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...

1> TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *

*(#1 translates to: To damn hard to type with paws.)