Male Bashing

A farmer and his wife are in bed. He reaches forward and feels her breasts.

He says ` You know if these were bigger we wouldn't need the cow.'

She reaches back and feels his dick. She says ` If this were bigger we wouldn't need the farm manager.'



What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door



If they can put one man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.



One day, God calls on Adam and says, "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain.

The bad news is that I only gave you enough blood to operate one organ at a time."



When do you care for a man's company?

When he owns it.



How do you know when a man has an orgasm?

He rolls over and starts snoring.



How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?

Three, if you slice them very thinly.



Why do men get married??

So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more



How do you know God isn't a woman?

If God were a woman, spunk would taste like chocolate.



What do Spangles do that a man can't?

Come in eight flavours.



Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?



Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?



What is a man's view of safe sex?

A padded headboard.



Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.



What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?

The man.



Why do so many women fake orgasm?

Because so many men fake foreplay.



Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?

So they can find their way back to the house.



What does a man call true love?

An erection.



Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.



What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?

A widower



What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.



Why do blonde women have bruises around their navels?

Blonde men aren't that clever either.



Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"

God says: "So she would love you."



Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?

He wouldn't ask for directions