Mudgate

BOY, 10, OPPOSES RELEASE OF TAPED "MUDGATE" TESTIMONY
IowaHawk's Twisted News (Humor)
9/16/98 IowaHawk

BOY, 10, OPPOSES RELEASE OF TAPED "MUDGATE" TESTIMONY
By IowaHawk, special to FR

Salem, OR (APUPI) Jason Hartz, a fourth grade student at Morningside Elementary School in Salem, today demanded that school officials refrain from releasing his videotaped testimony in the Brittany Janke matter. Readers of this column are familiar with the ongoing "Mudgate" scandal in which the charming tow-headed Hartz, 10, faces several charges of misconduct, including milk money extortion, Hot Wheel and candy bribery, and pushing Janke, 6, into a mud puddle, causing her to stain her dress.

Last week investigator Debra McFadden, who also serves as Hartz's teacher, delivered a 15-page report to his parents graphically detailing the mud puddle incident. The report was summarized by a red frowny face. Despite the shocking details, including a mud-splattered "Barney" jumper, Hartz's parents have yet to punish him.

Yesterday McFadden stated her intention to release a copy of Hartz's videotaped testimony, taken last week in the Principal's office, to his parents. "Maybe this will finally get their attention," said an exasperated McFadden, who has procured the suspensions or detentions of over five students in the investigation.

Hartz classmate and spokesboy Michael Sittig, 11, claimed that "these videotapes are highly prejudicial, and lack the proper context necessary for Jason's parents to view them fairly. To release them now would serve no useful purpose."

Added Sittig, "This is simply the word of Mrs. McFadden against Jason. Jason has apologized. What more does Mrs. McFadden want? I believe the answer is obvious. She simply wants to embarrass Jason and to get his parents to cancel his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese next month."

Sources familiar with Hartz's testimony say that they paint an unflattering portrait of the young boy. In exclusive secret transcripts obtained from a source close to the investigation, Hartz initially maintains his innocence, even after being confronted with a videotape of him tripping Janke into the mud:

DH: Jason, are you really still saying you didn't push Brittany?

JH: That is not incorrect, there is no pushing.

DH: Jason, I mean on the tape, on the day in question, according to the definition of pushing that I read to you earlier.

JH: I wasn't pushing her, she just sort of tripped. Tripping is so not like pushing. No wonder she tripped, she's just a kindergarten baby always tagging along and stalking me. Just ask Jared and Brian and....

DM: Fast forward to the section where Jason shoves Brittany back in the mud with his foot.

JH: Uhhhh...Hey! That's not me! It doesn't even look like me! This is like some computer animation, like Jurassic Park!

Later an increasingly agitated Hartz loses his temper and lashes out at McFadden: JH: You are so not the boss of me. My uncle's on the school board and can have you fired, you old [expletive] witch.

DM: Is that a threat, Jason?

JH: It's a promise, you old fart head bubble butt. I hate you. I hate your guts.

Sources close to the teacher's lounge say the tapes also show Hartz repeatedly trying to flee the room. Reportedly, he threw a screaming tantrum so violent that Gym Coach Mr. Maddox and Wally the janitor were brought in to restrain him.

Hartz's parents again urged caution. "I'm not sure what good seeing these tapes will do," said father Jim Hartz. "Jason has already apologized. The dress has been dry-cleaned. It's time we move on to more important things. Like finishing Jason's cool new tree house."

Mother Cindy Hartz agrees. "I'm sick of all this mud-mud-mud nonsense. Honestly, to hear Jason tell it, this Mrs. McFadden has some big hang-up about mud. Jason has his flaws, but he is such a wonderful boy."

Smiling, she wistfully recites an example. "Just yesterday, Jason came up to me in the kitchen after school, and you know what he did? He hugged me. Just like that. And he says, with those big puppy dog eyes, 'I love you Mom.' Aw, it would just melt your heart."

"So when he asked for that $20 for the arcade, how could I turn him down?" she asked with a sigh.

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