Tid-Bits

A young man asks the rabbi about who is truly a wise man. The rabbi says: "Any dummy can be right 50% of the time. A wise man is right 60% of the time. Rabbi Rosenberg from Bialystok was right 75% of the time. However, if someone is right 90% of the time, it is very suspicious, and if someone is right 100% of the time, he must be a bad, violent criminal man, and you should avoid him like a plague".


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Q: Why do grandparents get along so well with their grandchildren and grandchildren so well with their grandparents?

A: They have a common enemy.


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Q: Did you hear that the L. A. Lakers drafted Saddam Hussein?

A: Yes, they wanted someone who could shoot over Jordan.


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An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.

The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.


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I found this warning on a small utility knife in MIT's lab supply:

Caution. Blade is sharp. Keep out of children.


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Michael Jackson is the polar opposite of President Clinton if you think about it. In many respects, Michael Jackson and President Clinton are diametrically opposite. Michael Jackson is constantly, constantly, desperately trying to make us believe he's having sex with women.

Heard on The Late Show with David Letterman


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London, 19th May.

Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities, the first shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport, but was hijacked on the way to the depot.

Scotland Yard have warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.


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Seen on a Dejanews advertising banner:

"Two double-A batteries. 25 hours of pleasure."

Needless to say, I didn't follow the link.