All in how you say it

Bill Clinton died and went to heaven-or to be more accurate-approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared.

"Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.

"'Tis I, your lordship-President Bill Clinton".

"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.

"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.

"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"

Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex, but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have `sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you some place where it is very hot, but we won't call it `Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it `eternity.' And don't `abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."