Degrees of Cold

In light of all the weather woes:

Degrees of Cold


65°F
* Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night


60°F
* Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)


50°F
* Miami residents turn on the heat


45°F
* Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts


40°F
* You can see your breath
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Wisconsinites go swimming


35°F
* Italian cars don't start


32°F
* Water freezes


30°F
* You plan your vacation to Australia


25°F
* Ohio water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Wisconsinites eat ice cream
* Canadians go swimming


20°F
* Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* New York City water freezes
* Miami residents plan vacations further South


15°F
* French cars don't start
* Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you


10°F
* You need jumper cables to get the car going


5°F
* American cars don't start


0°F
* Alaskans put on T-shirts


-10°F
* German cars don't start
* Eyes freeze shut when you blink


-15°F
* You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
* Miami residents cease to exist


-20°F
* Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
* Japanese cars don't start


- 25°F
* Too cold to think
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going


-30°F
* You plan a two week hot bath
* Swedish cars don't start


-40°F
* Californians disappear
* Wisconsinites button top button
* Canadians put on sweaters
* Your car helps you plan your trip South


-50°F
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window


-80°F
* Hell freezes over
* Polar bears move South
* Packer Fans order hot cocoa at the game


-90°F
* Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets