Idiots

IDIOTS IN THE MALL

I was signing the receipt for my credit card when the cashier noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card right in front of her.

She then carefully compared that signature to the one I had signed on the receipt. Sure enough, they matched!!


IDIOTS AT THE OFFICE

A friend of mine had been doing temp work at various offices. At one place she became the "expert" on the copy machine. One day there was a big backup. She went over to help and found that no one knew how to stop the copier from "punching" three holes down the side of each copy. So she walked over, opened up the paper tray, removed the three-hole punched paper and solved the problem.!!


Another conversation occurred with our new secretary:
Secretary: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
Co-Worker: "A little. What's wrong?"
Secretary: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say that all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. So I tried it again, and the same exact thing happened."
Co-Worker: "How did you load the sheet?"
Secretary: "Well, it's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it in half so only she would be able to open it up and read it on the other end."


Several years ago we had a new hire who was not too bright either. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "Hey, I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the guy took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the copier and proceeded to make five blank copies.



IDIOT COMPUTER USERS

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"


I saw a lady at our office today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing. She said she was shopping on the Internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the little ATM "thingy".


I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not under- stand why his computer would not turn on!


One of our servers crashed. I was watching our brand new systems administrator trying to restore it. He needed a path name to a directory named "i386." He started to type it and then paused, asking me, "Where's the key for that line thing?" I asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation mark." I replied, "You mean the letter " i "?" and he said, "Yeah, that's it!"


My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees out in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"



IDIOTS ON THE HIGHWAY

I was in a car dealership when a brand new motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went into the back to make a sandwich.



IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY

After interviewing a particularly quiet job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He then replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"



ADVICE FOR IDIOTS

An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health and Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."



IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason?
Too many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there!



IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed!



IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the young kid behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg!



AN IDIOT'S IDIOT

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal spaghetti colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying"
was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect was telling a lie. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect finally confessed!