Funny Pages - Humor Files

 
 
 



 









 

1999 Humor Section


. ~ . ~ . ~ . 1 . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • 1000 Pounds of Dynamite
  • 100GB Bug
  • 11th Commandment
  • 1998 Darwin Awards

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . 2 . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • 25th Anniversary Diary

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . 3 . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • 3 parachutes

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . 5 . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • 51 Days (Allen L.)

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . 7 . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • 7 Dwarfs
  • 75-Year Old Man

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . A . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Accountant and a Pope in Heaven
  • Accounting Worries
  • Actual Signs (Peggy W.)
  • Advice for a Happy Marriage (Peggy W.)
  • Advice from Children (Kevin H.)
  • Affirmative Action
  • After The Beep... (Rick L.)
  • Aging Gracefully
  • Air Force Budget Cuts (Carlos M.)
  • All in how you say it
  • Alligator Shoes
  • Alternate Guinness Book of Records...
  • Alzheimer's Disease (Allen L.)
  • Amazing invention (Allen L)
  • Amazon Explorer
  • Americans With No Abilities Act
  • An Officer and...
  • Anagrams (Cindy C.)
  • And you thought you were computer illiterate
  • Anecdotes On Old Institutions
  • Another Compendium of History
  • AOL's cutting edge customer service
  • Apprentice Sith Lord
  • Are you a real cowboy? (rcote)
  • Area 51
  • Arkansas 2
  • Arkansas Sign
  • Art Collector (Allen L.)
  • At the Mall (rcote)
  • At the Plate
  • Atheist
  • Aviation

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . B . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • B.S.
  • Baby Boom Generation
  • Baby Moses
  • Bad Blonde
  • Bad Days
  • Bad Flight
  • Bad Idea
  • Bad-ass mouse
  • Baked Beans
  • Bank Account
  • Baptism
  • Bar drunk (Allen L.)
  • Bar Story
  • Barbara Walters in Kuwait (DK)
  • Bathroom
  • Batman Villians
  • Bats (rcote)
  • BBC Censorship
  • Be audit you can be
  • Be Careful What You Wish For
  • Bear Hunter
  • Bee Sting
  • Beer
  • Beer Bill of Rights
  • Beer Troubleshooting
  • Beggar
  • Behind You
  • Believe it or NOT
  • Best Friends
  • Best Newspaper Headlines of 1998
  • Bet
  • Beware.. Homosexuality in Cartoon Characters
  • Beyond Murphy's Laws
  • Bible Funny
  • Bible Story (Allen L.)
  • Bible Verses
  • BIC lighter
  • Bicycle
  • Big People Words (Adam B.)
  • Bill & Hillary
  • Bill's House
  • Billboards - G-Rated
  • Billion
  • Biology of Snack Cakes
  • Birth Control (Tom S.)
  • Black Humor
  • Blind Date
  • Blonde Circle (rcote)
  • Blonde Going To New York
  • Blonde Jigsaw Puzzle (Tom S.)
  • Blonde Stylist
  • Blonde Video
  • Blonde Winner
  • Blondes Get No Breaks (Carl F.)
  • Boating
  • Boobs
  • Borrow some money
  • Bosnian Quarterback
  • Bras (Allen L.)
  • Breast Fixation
  • Brunette Jokes (Carl F.)
  • BSOD
  • Bubba & Earl (Rick L.)
  • Busy Pub
  • Buttons

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . C . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Cabbage Pass
  • Cadillac People (Dana T.)
  • Calling Card Support
  • Can you say OUCH
  • Cannibals 2
  • Captain Bravo
  • Cat Owners Will Agree
  • Caught Sleeping At Work
  • Cemetery
  • Cheapo's
  • Cheating 2
  • Children's books you'll never see
  • Chili Taster
  • Chinese couple
  • Choking (rcote)
  • Church Bulletins 2 (Peggy W.)
  • Church Organist (TJ)
  • Cigars
  • Circle Flies (Dana T)
  • Classifieds
  • Clinton 10 Dirty Things
  • Clinton Anagram
  • Clinton Float
  • Clinton in Hell (rcote)
  • Clinton vs the Pope
  • Coffee
  • Computer Camp
  • Computer Generation
  • Computer Hillbillies
  • Conditions Of Marriage Proposal
  • Confession
  • Confession 2 (Tom S.)
  • Confucius Say 1
  • Confucius Say 2
  • Conspiracy by Electric Company
  • Construction worker
  • Cookies
  • Cool! I downloaded the Windows 98 source code
  • Correct English Spelling
  • Cosmetic Surgeon (Allen L.)
  • Cosmetics
  • Cosmic Thoughts
  • Country-Western song titles (Peggy W.)
  • Cow
  • Cowboy and The Preacher
  • Cowboy's Life
  • Crazy Mike (rcote)
  • Crazy Old Man
  • Cross Examination
  • Custer (Allen L.)
  • Czech train

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . D . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Dandruff (Allen L.)
  • Dangerous Health Hazard
  • Darwin Awards 1998
  • DC Golf (Cindy C.)
  • Dead Men Don't Bleed
  • Dear Friend
  • Dear Mom & Dad
  • Dear Mr. President
  • Decision (Allen L.)
  • Definitions by Gender
  • Degrees of Cold
  • Deodorant
  • Differences between the English and the Americans
  • Dilbert's Words Of Wisdom
  • Dinner Date (Allen L.)
  • Dinner With Her Family
  • Doctors
  • Doctors going to Heaven (Allen L.)
  • Dog Puddles
  • Dog's Into It
  • Doggie prozac (Cindy C)
  • Doggie Style (Allen L.)
  • Dolls (Tom S.)
  • Donations
  • Drinking Buddies
  • Drinks Are On Me...
  • Drunk Bust
  • Dying man
  • Dying Man's Drink

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . E . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Earring
  • Elf
  • English (Allen L.)
  • Eve's First Words
  • Everybody Knows Bubba
  • Exam
  • Extreme Lifestyle

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . F . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Facial Expressions (rcote)
  • Falwell
  • Famous Quotes 2
  • Farmers Son
  • Feedback Card
  • Fertile (Allen L.)
  • Fertilizer Club
  • Firm it up (Cindy C)
  • Fish story
  • Fishing for Surfers
  • Fishing Terms
  • Five things that women should never ask a guy
  • Flamers Bible
  • Fluff Toys (Rick L.)
  • Food Spoilage Table
  • For Medieval Lovers (Carl F.)
  • For Sale Ad
  • Forgotten
  • Free Vacation
  • Frog
  • Fun in Hell? (Allen L.)

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . G . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Gas Chamber
  • Gas Men
  • Gay Disciples?
  • Gender Test
  • General
  • Genetics
  • Genie
  • Gerber_Picante_Sauce
  • Gift Watch
  • Girl Power
  • Give us our daily...
  • Giving is Receiving
  • God's Creations
  • Golf (Allen L.)
  • Good Bars (Dana T.)
  • Good Catholic
  • Good news / Bad news
  • Good Y2K Glitch
  • Good, Better, Best
  • Government Holiday Changes (Peggy W.)
  • Grammar (Allen L.)
  • Grandpa (Allen L.)
  • Greeks Bearing Gifts
  • Guess Who?
  • Guinness
  • Gyn/Mech (rcote)
  • Gyno Hygiene (Cindy C.)

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . H . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Half Sex
  • Halloween Costume (Rick L.)
  • Halloween Costume 2
  • Halloween Dirty
  • Halloween Survival Guide (thRob)
  • Halloween Treats
  • Hard Thing To Give Up
  • Harsh Things A Woman Can Say To a Naked Man
  • Have You Heard (Allen L.)
  • Have You Seen These Movies?
  • Headache (Pat O.)
  • Heading For Heaven
  • Heaven & Hell
  • Heavenly Marriage (rcote)
  • Helga and the Barkeep
  • Help Wanted
  • High-tech hotel
  • Hoaxes / Urban-Legends
  • How To Know If You Are Ready To Have Children
  • Hubble Cocktail
  • Hunter
  • Hunting Dog (rcote)
  • Husband & Wife

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . I . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • I Just Want to Cuddle... (Cindy C.)
  • I LOVE YOU in Different Languages
  • I Think
  • I'd like to...
  • I'm Hooked... (Greg D.)
  • I'm Not Coming In Today Excuses
  • Ice Cream and Car
  • Idiots (Samantha W.)
  • If Abby Were a Man (Allen L.)
  • If Dear Abby were Dear Bob
  • If Men TRULY ran the world... (Cindy C.)
  • If you can...
  • Important Microsoft Press Release
  • Indian
  • Indian Success Story
  • Intercourse
  • Interesting Legal Defense
  • Irrevocable Pledge
  • IRS Ashes

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . J . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Japanese
  • Japanese Banking
  • Jesus is in the bathroom
  • Jesus Life & Today's Laws
  • Job Placement
  • Job Security Quiz
  • John
  • Johnnie Answers
  • Joys of Womanhood
  • Jury of his Peers
  • Just Helping Out
  • Justice Department sues Women

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . K . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • K-9 Unit (rcote)
  • Keeping myself pure
  • Kids - The Natural Comedians
  • Kids on Science
  • King Arthur
  • Kittens
  • Knock Out

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . L . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Left Overs
  • Lemonade
  • Let Me Get This Straight
  • LIFE....Woohoo (Rick L.)
  • Linguistics
  • Lion tamer
  • Little Johnny in School
  • Little Johnny, What Element Do You Want? (Carl F.)
  • Liver And Cheese (rcote)
  • Losers
  • Lost Proposition (Tom S.)
  • Love Handles
  • Lover
  • Lucille
  • Lying For A Dog

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . M . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Magic Trick (Allen L.)
  • Make Life Simpler
  • Male & Female Interpretations
  • Manliness test (Rick L.)
  • Manners (Allen L.)
  • Marathon Race (rcote)
  • Marriage 2
  • Married 50 Years
  • Martha Stewart Redneck Etiquette (Peggy W.)
  • Meat
  • Medical terms
  • Melvin Durai on Scientists
  • Mental Health Institute (DSHL)
  • Mental Institute Hotline
  • Microsoft Restaurant
  • Microsoft's Right
  • Middle Age
  • Millennium Year Application Software System
  • Mis-pronunciation (Allen L.)
  • Miscellaneous (Allen L.)
  • Mischievous Boys
  • Miss Bea
  • Missing bull
  • Missing Husband
  • Mistakes
  • Mistakes 2
  • Misunderstanding
  • MIT news flash
  • Mom Sleeping Alone
  • Mommy Almost Died
  • Money For Sex
  • Monica Lewinsky's Accident
  • Monica's Book
  • Monkey (Carl F.)
  • More 1999 DARWIN AWARD nominations for DUMB
  • More Y2K
  • Mortuary
  • MS Catholic Church
  • Murphy
  • Musician (Allen L)
  • My House
  • My Mother Taught Me 2
  • My name is Elizabeth
  • My Prayer
  • My Sins

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . N . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Natural Childbirth
  • Naughty Parrot
  • New Blonde Secretary (Rick L.)
  • New business terms #2 (Richard S.)
  • New business terms #3 (Richard S.)
  • New business terms #4 (Richard S.)
  • New Corporate Cost-Cutting Policy
  • New INTELligence Agent
  • New Parrot
  • New Prison Policy
  • New Product Announcement (Rick L.)
  • New Shirt
  • No More Women
  • No Name Toilet Paper
  • No Respect
  • NOSMOKE Command
  • Not Feeling Well (Allen L.)
  • Notes To Bill
  • Now You Know
  • NTSB study
  • Nudist Colony
  • Nun is Enough

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . O . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Odd Scam
  • Of Microsoft and Manholes
  • Official Politically Correct Terms for 1991
  • Oil Painting
  • Old & New
  • Old folks home (Allen L.)
  • Old Maids (Carl F.)
  • Old Man 3
  • Olympics (rcote)
  • On-time Delivery
  • One For The Ladies
  • One Liners 2
  • One Question Too Far
  • One Too Many Viagra (Debra C.)
  • Operations
  • Operator
  • Oral Sex (Allen L.)
  • Orientation in Heaven
  • Origins of Man's Sex Life
  • Oxymoron's

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . P . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • PaNcAkEs
  • Parking
  • Parrot
  • Paycheck
  • Peaches
  • Pearly Gates (Dana T.)
  • Pearly Gates: Henry Ford
  • Penis length survey
  • People for Ethical Treatment of Software
  • Perfect
  • Perfect Gift (Cindy C.)
  • Perfect Marriage (rcote)
  • Perfect Woman
  • Period
  • Personal Ad
  • Pets
  • Phone call
  • Phone Call to God
  • Physics Exam Answer
  • Pick-up line of the day (Rick L.)
  • Pickles Linked To Death
  • Pilot Training
  • Plain English
  • Plaque
  • Playing with Grandpa (rcote)
  • Podiatrist
  • Poetry
  • Poker (Allen L.)
  • Politics 2
  • Pollocks and a Camel
  • Pope and Queen
  • Porch
  • Potato Clock
  • Pre-Relationship Agreement
  • Preacher
  • Precautions
  • President Clinton's Testimony
  • Preying Mantis Syndrome
  • Priest and a Rabbi Car
  • Problem with HAL
  • Procrastinator's Creed (Carl F.)
  • Professional Careers (Tom S.)
  • Programming The Hard Way
  • Proverbs (Angela F.)

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . Q . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • QPSAT (Quick Political Scholastic Aptitude Test)
  • Queen Dolly (Tom S.)
  • Quiz For Us Geezerheads
  • Quotes

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . R . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Rabbi up to the Bar
  • Race Incentive
  • Radar Cop
  • Ranchers (rcote)
  • Ranchers Bull
  • Real Cowboys
  • Recognition
  • Redneck Birth Control (Cindy C.)
  • Redneck honeymoon (rcote)
  • Redneck Humor (Allen L.)
  • Religious Tolerance
  • Remember WPA (rcote)
  • Retail Spirits
  • Retirement
  • RIP
  • Rose (Allen L.)
  • Roy Rogers
  • Rrrrip
  • Rubber Check
  • Rules of Men's Fashion

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . S . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Sad Story
  • Samurai (rcote)
  • Sayings of the Wise & Learned:
  • Schnauzer
  • Scientific... almost
  • Security Passwords
  • Senior Driver
  • Service
  • Sex at breakfast (rcote)
  • Sex in Star Wars
  • Sex Test For Rednecks (Kari B.)
  • Sharing (Rick L.)
  • She's sooo fat... (Tom S.)
  • Shipwrecked
  • Shit is a Powerful Word (Louise L.)
  • Shoe Repair
  • Shopping
  • Short Dictionary of Construction Terminology
  • Sign Language (Allen L.)
  • Signs
  • Signs That You Have Had Too Much Of The 90's
  • Single (Rick L.)
  • Size (Marcus B.)
  • Ski Trip
  • Slapstick Shorts
  • Smart Pigs
  • Smarter Sex
  • Software and Gravity
  • Some more quotes (Rick L.)
  • Some quotes
  • Something Religious
  • Son of Oxymoron's
  • Son-In-Law
  • Sore
  • Sound Business Advise
  • Southern Bar
  • Special Occasions
  • Sports Siblings
  • Spouse Bashing (rcote)
  • Spouse Bashung 2 (Allen L.)
  • St. Peter's Keys
  • Star Wars vs Titanic
  • Statue
  • Stealth Bomber Bumper Sticker
  • Stories of the Strange
  • Strange Laws and Bizarre Facts
  • Strip Club
  • Stupid Student
  • Success
  • Summer School
  • Sunday School
  • Support Your Dealers
  • Surgery
  • Swearing In
  • Swimmers
  • Swimming

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . T . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Tarzan meets Jane (Allen L)
  • Tattoo (Lunch)
  • Tell it to the Marines
  • Terrorists
  • Texas Diary (Peggy W.)
  • Texas Heat (Allen L)
  • Texas Quotes
  • The Baby
  • The Less I Drink
  • Thermometer
  • They don't take American Express
  • Things That Go Bump in the Day
  • Things That Never Happen in Star Trek
  • Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving (Ken O.)
  • Things You Will Never Hear A Woman Say (Rick L.)
  • Thinking on Your Feet (James O.)
  • Thought for the Day
  • Thoughts for Today (Allen L.)
  • Three hunters
  • Three pregnant women at lunch...
  • Thrill of Skiing
  • Tie 2 (Allen L.)
  • Time
  • To Love, Honor...
  • Together At Last
  • Togetherness
  • Traffic Violation
  • Trailer Trash (Allen L.)
  • Travel Campground
  • Traveling Sales Woman (Allen L.)
  • Tricking Kids
  • Triplets (Tom S.)
  • Trivia: That You Need To Ponder (Richard S.)
  • Trunk
  • Twenty New Management Styles
  • Two Blondes
  • Two guys
  • Two Nuns
  • Two Problems With The Victoria's Secret Web Show
  • Two Trees and a Sapling

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . U . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • U.S. Constitution 101
  • Ugly Witch (Cindy C.)
  • Uphill Both Ways - Oh Really?
  • Used PC For Sale
  • Useless Inventions
  • Uses for AOL Disks

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . V . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Van Gogh's family (Tom S)
  • Ventriloquist
  • Venus vs. Mars - The Short Version (Carl F.)
  • Very Offensive (Tom S.)
  • Very Unsuccessful Pick-up Lines
  • Vet Advise
  • Viagra 2 (Allen L)
  • Viagra Study (Peggy W.)
  • Viruses 1999

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . W . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Want Ad (Allen L.)
  • Wax Job
  • Weird Laws
  • Well, DUH
  • What He Hears
  • What My Dog Has Taught Me
  • What Women Should Know About Men
  • What's what? (James O.)
  • When Is It Time To Clean House?
  • When Visiting The South...
  • Where Grandmother Lives
  • Where's the Baby
  • Whiskey
  • Whistle
  • Whodunit
  • Why Go To Medical School
  • Why Paper Airplanes Fly
  • Why Women Love Cats?
  • Wife's Deer
  • Will Web
  • Wills (Cindy C.)
  • Winners
  • Winning numbers
  • Wisconsin Winters
  • Wish for Santa (Allen L.)
  • Witch (Allen L.)
  • With a Moo-moo Here...
  • Women (Cindy C.)
  • Women2 (Allen L.)
  • Words of Wisdom (Tom S.)
  • Workplace Foul Language Substitute (Peggy W.)
  • World Leader
  • WWII (rcote)

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . X . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Xmas Gift (Allen L.)
  • Xmas gift 2
  • Xmas Party (Allen L.)

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . Y . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Y0K
  • Y2K alert (Allen L)
  • Y2k Press Release (Pat O.)
  • Y2K Problem Solved
  • Y2K Wife
  • Yard (Tom S.)
  • You might be a yankee
  • You Need A New Lawyer
  • You've Been Out Drinking Again (Tom S.)
  • You've Grown Up
  • Young bar patron
  • Yugo thataway...

  • . ~ . ~ . ~ . Z . ~ . ~ . ~ .

  • Zen and the hot dogs
  • Zipper


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