10 SIGNS YOU'VE JOINED A CHEAP H.M.O. #10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters. #9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park." #8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. #7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. #6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day." #5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. #4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo. #3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. #2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m"s on them. And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO . . . #1. You ask for Viagra; you get a popsicle stick and duct tape.
