How To Tell That You're In Los Angeles

Your co-worker tells you s/he has 8 body piercings: none are visible.

You make over $250,000. And still can't afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And your friends still need to know if the teacher, a member of the local Republican committee, is male or female.

If you speak about "urban transit," you're besieged by attractive young women who want to "channel."

You can't remember... is pot illegal?

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian. And you know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits, a fab exercise facility and tofu takeout.

You're thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between aroma therapy, conversational mandarin or screening erotic web sites.

A man walks on the bus in full leather regalia. You don't notice.

A woman walks on the bus with live poultry. You don't notice.

You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the Midwest. You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.