Our town was so small...

The city limits signs were both on the same post!

The only excitement on a Saturday night was to watch them check the dipsticks down at the local Conaco Station.

Under the heading of FUTURE CIVIC IMPROVEMENTS they are discussing the purchase of a second horse.

The library closes every time someone borrows the book.

The first-string varsity quarterback is a girl in the sixth grade.

They drop you from the football team because they don't have a uniform big enough for you.

The local Baskin-Robbins only has three flavors - and one of them is Skoal!

You could get ticketed for speeding while riding a bicycle.

Whenever the minister said, "Dearly Beloved," you weren't sure if he was talking to you, personally!

Nighttime lighting consisted of Old Floyd sitting on a bench with his hunting flashlight!

You could sit on the front porch in the summertime, say hello to everyone that walked by, and know them all!


The town hall is a room over the local package liquor store.

MCI doesn't call you at dinner time because they don't service your area.

The volunteer fire department upgraded their equipment by purchasing a dozen "SUPER SOAKERS".

They had to cancel "Sidewalk Days" because the sidewalk was too small.

The local constable bears a striking resemblance to Barney Fife.

The School Crossing sign and the Deer Crossing sign are both on the same pole (along with the city limits sign).

Every time someone has a date, they prepare to change the number on the town "Population" sign.

Instead of a local tax, the town fathers just "pass the hat."

You see two NRA stickers on the door of the local hardware store:
One is for the National Rifle Association, the other is for the National Recovery Act of 1933.

If you want to go out and paint the town red, a single can of spray paint will usually do the trick.

Residents are extremely proud of the recent paving of the town's main street... both blocks!
The area's two biggest industries are farming and being bucolic.

You've been stopped for a moving violation by a man wearing a baseball cap, bib overalls, and driving a John Deere tractor.

The phone company's major equipment is a switch board that sits in the parlor of a local spinster.

Pictures of FDR and JFK still adorn the walls of most businesses.