Woman's Dictionary

Airhead (er*hed) n

What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.


Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n

A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.


Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v

To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."


Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n

You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up but he, 'made the dinner.'


Blonde jokes (blond joks) n

Jokes that are short so men can understand them.


Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n

Gotta get married in a church.


Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n

An appliance designed to eat socks.


Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n

A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.


Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n

The last two minutes of a football game.


Exercise (ex*er*siz) v

To walk up and down a mall, occasionally rest to make a purchase.


Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n

What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.


Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n

Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.....Also....see 'Magician'.


Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n

Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.


Childbirth (child*brth) n

You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus....breath...push..."


Lipstick (lip*stik) n

On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar,
coloring only a tramp would wear...!


Park (park) v/n

Before children, a verb meaning, 'to go somewhere and neck'. After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.


Patience (pa*shens) n

The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. Also see...'Tranquilizers'.


Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n

A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds and romance but consider yourself lucky to get a card.


Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n

Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.


Zillion (zil*yen) n

The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself......anyways.