Advice From Mark Twain

* Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

* Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.

* There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

* Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

* We ought never to do wrong when people are looking.

* If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

* Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

* All you need to be assured of success in this life is ignorance and confidence.

* Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.

* It's a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.

* Let us not be too particular: It is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

* Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

* If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch for your chance and hit him with a brick.

* Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

* There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.

* Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

* It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

* Don't part with illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

* Be careful to get out of an experience all the wisdom that is in it; not like the cat that sits down on a hot stove. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again...and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.