Fun Notes

1) Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

2) What's the difference between the Pope and your boss?
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

3) My mind works like lightning: one brilliant flash and it's gone.

4) It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

5) A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

6) My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.

7) The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work.

8) Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry $10 worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

9) A blonde told her friend, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid

10) Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?
It won't work and you can't fire it.

11) Children - You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

12) Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

13) Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like nailing jell-O to a tree.

14) There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it.

15)Chinese Proverb. Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

16) I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

17) Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

18) Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

19) The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

20) We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

21)Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.