He-Said / She-Said

He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?

He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said...It's not my fault... I ran out of money.

He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.

He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king'
She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen'

On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere'
Written just below it: 'I do not'

Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.'
She said...'Who's gonna look?'

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said...They don't have time!

He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said...I would, but you're never there.

He said... "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.


He said... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said... We don't know; it has never happened.

He said... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
She said... They already have boyfriends.

She said... What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said... A widow.

He said... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.