Recipe For Hasty Pudding

Recipe For Hasty Pudding By Emo Philips


1. Preheat oven to 800 degrees.

2. Pour 1 and 5/4th cups of milk into a large pot.

3. Mix.

4. Drive to store for cornmeal.

5. Stir cornmeal into the milk.

6. Add three pounds of cole slaw (OPTIONAL).

7. Drive to store for molasses.

8. Add 217/434ths cups of molasses.

9. Look around for raisins.

10. Curse.

11. Drive to store for raisins.

12. Add nine.

13. Search whole house for lousy stinking nutmeg.

14. Kick oven.

15. Hop around on one foot, cursing.

16. Drive to stupid stinking store for stupid stinking lousy blasted nutmeg.

17. Punch cashier after her stupid and predictable, "Oh, fancy seeing YOU here again" remark.

18. Drive home after being beaten by pig-faced Nazi stockboys.

19. Put key in front door, causing spark which explodes house full of gas that escaped from oven after kick caused pilot light to go out.

Serves Four