Shark Attack Prevention

Top 12 Shark Attack Prevention Strategies

12> Using a felt marker, write "Best Before July 2001" on your thigh.

11> Wear a really skimpy Speedo-no one wants to see that, not even a shark.

10> Be sensitive to the shark's needs. Sometimes, like you and me, they just need to be held.

9> Your startlingly realistic impression of an injured seal? Leave it in the car, dude.

8> Always go into the water with the kid who pulls off his scabs.

7> Wait at least thirty minutes to go swimming after eating a bucket of chum.

6> Only swim on days Miss Cleo says it's safe.

5> Don't let your children into the water until the sharks have filled themselves up on the neighbor's kids first.

4> Always swim with a slower, juicier buddy.

3> When swimming, always bring along a bottle of Zima. Just like humans, sharks hate Zima.

2> Avoid heavy use of "Zesty Cajun Flavor" sun block.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Shark Attack Prevention Strategy...

1> Cover yourself with pictures of Anne Heche, because not even a shark would go near that crazy-ass chick.