Stages Of Life

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE


AGE / PREFERRED DRINK

17 beer

25 bourbon

35 vodka

48 double vodka

66 Maalox


AGE / SEDUCTION LINE

17 My parents are away for the weekend.

25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

35 My fiancé is away for the weekend.

48 My wife is away for the weekend.

66 My second wife is dead.


AGE / FAVORITE SPORT

17 sex

25 sex

35 sex

48 sex

66 napping


AGE / DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 "tongue"

25 "breakfast"

35 "She didn't set back my therapy."

48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."

66 "Got home alive."


AGE / FAVORITE FANTASY

17 getting to third

25 airplane sex

35 ménage e' trois

48 taking the company public

66 Lazy-Boy with a heat & massage setting


AGE / WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 25

25 35

35 48

48 66

66 17


AGE / IDEAL DATE

17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in

25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"

35 "Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas."

48 "Just come over."

66 "Just come over and cook."



THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE


AGE / DRINK

17 Wine Coolers

25 White wine

35 Red wine

48 Dom Perignon

66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser


AGE / EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 Need to wash my hair

25 Need to wash and condition my hair

35 Need to color my hair

48 Need to have Francois color my hair

66 Need to have Francois color my wig


AGE / FAVORITE SPORT

17 shopping

25 shopping

35 shopping

48 shopping

66 shopping


AGE / DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 "Burger King"

25 "Free meal"

35 "A diamond"

48 "A bigger diamond"

66 "Home Alone"


AGE / FAVORITE FANTASY

17 tall, dark and handsome

25 tall, dark and handsome with money

35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain

48 a man with hair

66 a man


AGE / WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 17

25 25

35 35

48 48

66 66


AGE / IDEAL DATE

17 He offers to pay

25 He pays

35 He cooks breakfast the next morning

48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids

66 He can chew breakfast