Helpful Hints

Helpful Hint #1
If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
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Helpful Hint #2
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
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Helpful Hint #3
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
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Helpful Hint #4
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
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Helpful Hint #5
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
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Helpful Hint #6
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
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Helpful Hint #7
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
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Helpful Hint #8
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.