Salary Increase Request

The Request:

I, The penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labor
* I work at great depths
* I work head first
* I do not get weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from the Administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your raise request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do no stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
* You don't always observe health and safety measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't wait till pension age before retiring
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying two suspicious looking bags.