Things You'd Love To Say At Work But Can't

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh**.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

And your crybaby, whiney-ass opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.