Advantages Of Getting Older

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

People call at 9 P.M. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

You can eat dinner at 4:00 PM.

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.

You sing along with the elevator music.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.