Houston Barbie

Mattel announces the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater-Houston market:



River Oaks Barbie

This princess Barbie is only sold at The Galleria. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named
Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck,
breast implants and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
"augmented" version of Barbie.



Kingwood/Katy Barbie

This trendy homemaker Barbie, dressed in a colorfully coordinated gym
outfit, is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan.
She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education.
Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.



4th Ward Barbie:

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available
after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable
billsunless you're a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about.



Woodlands Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with her own Starbucks cup, credit cards, a country
club membership, and your choice of a BMW sports car or a souped-up Hummer
2. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
Each doll sold separately, but you can't afford them anyway.



Pasadena Barbie

This model comes dressed in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small and a NASCAR
T-shirt. She also has a stylish tattoo of a Tweety Bird on her shoulder. Her
hair is BIG and stiff hair, and she is toting a sixpack of Bud Light and a
Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick
Mullet-Hair Kenny's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck
separately, which comes complete with a Confederate flag bumper sticker.



Inner Loop/West University Barbie

This rhinoplasty Barbie wears a leopard-print beach outfit and drinks
cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at her beach house in Galveston.
This doll comes with an added bonus - Nanny Skipper Doll for taking care of
Barbie's invisible children whom she hardly knows. Percocet and Xanax
prescription bottles also included.



Memorial Barbie

This Barbie comes complete with a Suburban. Her highlighted hair is
shoulder length and she wears khaki pants with matching sweater. You choose
between a Golden Retriever or Labrador dog as her faithful companion. Ken
doll is unavailable due to his being perpetually "at the office" or "on a
business trip". Other available accessories include: Tennis outfit and
tennis racket, Harold Powell charge card, Prozac Prescription Bottle and
Private Investigator Barbie (for checking up on Ken).



Montrose Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and archless feet,
Birkenstocks with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you
call her "Willow."



Beaumont Barbie

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled
sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted
boyfriend out of Skipper's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with
your choice of lip color: sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that
stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include:
CD-player equipped with BonJovi and a rusty old Ford pick up.