TJ's Funny Pages

 


Section: 2003 Humor
 
 



 









 

Welfare Applicants

These entries were printed in an anecdotal history of the United States from 1923-45 published in 1988, where they were attributed to Russell W. Ballard, director of welfare for Lake County, Indiana from 1936 to 1941.


I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died, which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

I am writing to the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

I cannot get sick pay. I have six children . . . Can you tell me why?

I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

Please find out for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't eat or do anything until he knows.

I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married to his father a week before he was born.

In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a ten-pound son. I hope this is satisfactory.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.

My husband got his project cut off for two weeks and I haven't had any relief since.

Unless I get my husband's money soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

I have no children as yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want my money as soon as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.

My husband has worked about one shift two months ago and now he has left me, and I ain't had no pay since he has gone, nor before either.

Please send me my elopement as I have a four months old baby and he is my only support and I kneed all I get every day to buy food and keep in close.

I am a poor woman and all I have is gone.

Both sides of my parents is very poor and I can't expect anything from them as my mother has been in bed for one year with one doctor and she won't take another.

Do I get more than I am getting?

Please send me a letter and tell me if my husband has made applications for a wife and child.

I have already wrote to the President and if I don't hear from you, I will write to Uncle Sam both of you.




 







 
Weakest Link ~ Welfare Job

Section: 2003 Humor