Shorts 1

A man walks into a bar. He see's a sign saying; "We don't serve assholes here." He then walks up to the bartender and says; "You can't do that, that's against the law." And the bartender says; "What are you a lawyer?" And the man says; "No, I'm an asshole."

===

An American indian is walking down the street telling everyone; 'chance' 'chance'. Someone turns around and tells him; you're supposed to say, "how." So the indian turns around and tells him, I already know how, I just need the chance.

===

An Irishman listens to a pastor talk about the evil of alcohol.
He drops a worm into a glass of whiskey."See that? The worm dies!"
The drunk says "You mean if I drink whiskey I won't get worms?"

===

A patient comes running into his psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a pair of underpants made of Saran Wrap.

The doctor takes one look at him and says, "Bob, I thought you were crazy before but now I can clearly see your nuts!"

===

The local fire department rescued a woman who had become trapped in her chimney . They took her to the Emergency Room where she was pronounced O.K., except for a touch of the flue.

===

A three-footed dog walks into an Old West saloon, jumps up on the barstool and orders a beer. After taking a long drink, he looks around the silent room and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"