Texas Rules

Just a few more reasons why I love this state!


The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter Texas: Learn 'em, and Remember 'em!


1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight, it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and 1-10 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter-million dollar cotton strippers we drive three weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

11. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices....salt, pepper and Picante Sauce.

12. You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice and plenty of it! You bring "Hooch" into my house it better have four legs, a tail, and have a nose for quail, dove, duck or pheasant. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck and have long hair.

13. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon and a long spoon.

14. High School Football is as important here and the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines and Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess With Texas," If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!

18. Also remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."

GOD BLESS TEXAS