Upon reflection

Up on reflection:


I was thinking about how the status symbol of today is a cell phone that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it's when you still have something on the ball but are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a movie for folks my age and calling it "Pumping Rust."

My lady friends have gotten that dreaded furniture disease...when their chests are falling into their drawers!

You know how when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once, I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write: A Good Doctor!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mail carriers could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . . they're cramming for their finals!