Wal-Mart's New Christmas Wines

WAL-MART announced this morning that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine", said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. She said: "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names are:

Chateau Traileur Parc

White Trashfindel

Box O' Grapes

Big Red Gulp

World Championship Riesling

NASCARbernet

Chef Boyardeaux

Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"

Peanut Noir

Blue Light Special Nun

Chateau des Moines

Martha Stewart's Sour Grapes

I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

Grape Expectations

World Championship Wriesling


And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine:

Nasti Spumante


The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

AND

A California vintner in the Napa Valley area that produces Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio wines has developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an antidiuretic and promises to reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as

"Pinot More".