What Your Car Says About You

Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX - I am impotent.

Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Cadillac el Dorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesperson.

Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people.

Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Escort - I'm a red-headed nanny.

Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart.)

Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol - I have always said that half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.

Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercury Grand Marquis - (See Lincoln Town Car.)

Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler.

MGB - I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.

Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....

Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 944 - I am dating big-haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal.

Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic.)

Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more.

Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet.

Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet.

Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now.

Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife.