Bad Answer Man (Mammograms)

Dear Bad Answer Man,

I'm thinking of going to the doctor soon for my very first mammogram. I'm a little nervous about this... is there anything that I can do to prepare?

Mammograms require your breast to go gymnastic. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular, so they are woefully unprepared.

But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises:

EXERCISE 1: Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) between the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.

EXERCISE 2: Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.

EXERCISE 3: (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.