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Adult Sex Quiz

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a Blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?

A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?

A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...

A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?

A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Submitted by: Sandy E.

Grandma's Panties

Grandma went into Victoria's Secret and wanted to buy some fancy new panties. The sales lady talked her into buying some real nice bright red crotchless panties.

Grandma put them on and waited for grandpa to come home. When grandpa came home, grandma was all laid out upon the bed and pointed down to the new crotchless panties she had on.

She said: "Come on grandpa, you want some of this?"

Grandpa said "Lord no, it done ate a hole in your panties..."

Submitted by: Tom S.

Peace On Earth

Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we are Jewish," she asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks for a bit, then says "No, I don't think God will get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says

"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot.

And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, Our marines could blow the shit out of him."

Submitted by: Allen L.

Taters

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others do. They are called "Speck Taters."

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do things. They're called "Comment Taters."

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin. They are called "Aggie Taters."

There are those who are always saying I will, but somehow, they never get around to doing. We call them "Hezzie Taters."

Some people put on a front and act like someone else. They're called "Emma Taters."

Finally, there are those who walk what they talk. They're always prepared to stop what they're doing to lend a hand to others and bring real sunshine into the lives of others. You can call them "Sweet Taters."

Bumper Sticker:
On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."