Humor
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Atheist and The Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a huge Kodiak brown bear charging toward him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right on top of him. It held him down with its left paw and raised its right paw to strike. The man screamed, "OH MY GOD!"

The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. A brilliant light shone upon the man, and a thunderous voice came from all around. "YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS. YOU TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST. YOU CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU NOW? AM I TO NOW COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to act as a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL" said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped down on its knees, brought both paws together and with bowed head said "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."

Submitted by: Cindy C.

Where Did I Come From

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly.

"Does that answer your question?" her father asked. "Not really," the little girl said. "Marcia said she came from New Jersey. I want to know where I came from."

Submitted by: James O.

Grade School Contest

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, ?Who's Got the Biggest dick ".

"How do you play that?" asked the redneck.

"It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess."

So when recess time came, the three boys went outside.

"Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play."

The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest dick is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed.

Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As
the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe.

"You win for sure," they both said. Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother asked him, "So did you make any new friends today?"

"Yup. I played this game called ?Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee? and the other boys said I won because I'm a redneck."

His mother laughed and replied, "No sweetie, you won because you're 23."

Bwaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Submitted by: Tom S.

Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?