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Break In
Senior Moment . . .
An elderly lady called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
Submitted by: Rick L.
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But are the frogs OK?
True story taken from Texas Fish and Game July 2002 issue
Two Arkansas men, Thurston Pool and Billy Ray Walis, age 33 and 38 respectively, had a mishap on the way home from a night of frog-giggin. Pool's pickup headlights quit when a fuse blew. They had no replacement, but Walis noticed a .22 rimfire cartridge from his pistol fit perfectly in the fuse holder beside the steering collum.. With the lights working, the men resumed the drive home.
Twenty miles farther down State Highway 38, just before the White Water bridge, the electrical current passing through the cartridge created enough heat to ignite the priming mixture. The round went off, stricking Poolin the right testicle and causing him to swerve off the road into a tree. Pool suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but required surgery to repair the other wound. Walis, who sustained a broken collarbone, told reporters: "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his balls off or we might both be dead."
When police contacted Pools wife about the accident, she asked how many frogs the men had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.
Submitted by: Greg D.
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Mountain Contraceptive
Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather supplies for the summer. After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the doctor and said, "Doctor, I don't know how much more of this I can handle. We got us eight kids now and I just don't know how we can go on. I gotta do something about having all these babies or I'll just lose my mind!"
The doctor scratched his head and wondered how to gently instruct the woman on how to curb her ordeal, and finally told her to pick up a ten-gallon bucket along with her supplies. "And every night when you go to bed, I want both of your feet in that bucket and don't take them out until morning."
So the lady was off and all of her problems seemed to be solved.
That next spring, right on cue, she walked into the doctor's Office and promptly delivered another child.
"Ma'am, I thought I told you to sleep each night with your feet in a ten-gallon bucket. What happened?"
"Well, you see doctor, the store was all out of ten-gallon buckets, so I just figured two five-gallon buckets would do the trick just the same..."
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So anyway, a guy goes into the doctor’s office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you’re not eating right."
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