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Scavenger Hunt
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
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Fishing for Surfers
Two men are fishing at a lake that is also used by windsurfers. Of course the surfers disturb the fish, and this annoys the fishermen.
After some time, when another surfer passes them, one of the fishermen picks up a stone and throws it at the surfer. He hits the surfer's head, and the surfer falls from the board and sinks immediately.
When he doesn't appear again, the two decide to rescue him. So they row to the place where the surfer drowned and one of them strips and jumps into the water. When he comes up again, he brings a lifeless body with him, and they heave it into the boat. Since the body doesn't show any signs of life, one of the fishermen start to give him the `kiss of life'.
After the first puff of air he gasps, "Man, this guy's really got bad breath!"
The other one takes a closer look and asks very quietly, "Are you sure the one you hit wore skates?"
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LJ: Thinking
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?" "None", replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well the answer is four", said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well", said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
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Murphy's Laws of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
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Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
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