Grade School Contest
There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can pla...
Read more →Jokes
Where Did I Come From
"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other b...
Read more →Atheist and The Bear
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.As he was ...
Read more →Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Never Seen A Mirror
After living in a remote wilderness all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remark...
Read more →At My Funeral
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone sai...
Read more →In The Beginning...
In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, And darkness was upon the face of the deep.And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."A...
Read more →Eating Right
So anyway, a guy goes into the doctor’s office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other ear. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. W...
Read more →Mountain Contraceptive
Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather supplies for the summer. After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the...
Read more →But are the frogs OK?
True story taken from Texas Fish and Game July 2002 issueTwo Arkansas men, Thurston Pool and Billy Ray Walis, age 33 and 38 respectively, had a mishap on the way home from a night of frog-giggin. Pool...
Read more →talking to your plants
Instead of talking to your plants,if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Headstone
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been."Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before...
Read more →Italian Border
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs agent stops them:"It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro.""Vot do you mean it'z illegal?" asks the German drive...
Read more →Getting Older
Now that I'm older, here is what I've discovered:I started out with nothing,: I still have most of it.My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran.I finally got my head together, now my body is fal...
Read more →Oral Sex
After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings."Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" G...
Read more →The Workaholic
A workaholic finally decided to take a long overdue vacation. He booked a Caribbean cruise and was having the time of his life... until the boat sank! He found himself swept onto a desert island. Six ...
Read more →Number of the Beast
OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.But did you know that:$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accesso...
Read more →Bonus and a boner
Q. What is the difference between a bonus and a boner?A. Your significant other won't mind blowing your bonus...
Mother Teresa
Mother Teresa went to Heaven and she was walking around - checking the place out. She walked up to St Peter and said "Where would I go to make a complaint?"St Peter told her to go see Gabriel.She goes...
Read more →Penis Raise
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:* I do physical labour* I work at great depths* I am always using my head first* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public hol...
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